


Acquisitions Ubiquitous

by AnneElliot



Category: Galaxy Quest, Steampunk - Fandom
Genre: Economics, F/M, Humor, Humour, Modern Day, Pirates, Steampunk, privateers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:36:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1726406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneElliot/pseuds/AnneElliot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buying things to be delivered by drones is fun, easy, and reliable?  Or is it??</p>
<p>Based on the back story for our steampunk group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acquisitions Ubiquitous

“Jeri, Jeri, come quick.  Let’s look out the front window.”  Tyler dashed down the hallway, yelling.

“What? Why?  I’m in the middle of something.”

“Come ON!  You’ll miss it.”

“Miss what?  We live on the most boring street in the city.”

“Not today. There’s a drone coming.”

“Seriously?”  Jeri seemed to materialize at his elbow.  “You didn’t seriously order something from AmazonDrone, did you?  How much did that cost?”

“They were having a special.  It was only twice overnight shipping. Not just anybody can order things from AmazonDrone, you know.”

“Just because we live close to the warehouse doesn’t mean that we have to waste our money on getting things in an hour instead of overnight.  What did you order any way?”

“I wanted it to be something meaningful.  So I ordered, um, Galaxy Quest.”

“Galaxy Quest?!?!  We already have that in VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, AND digital.”

“This one we won’t open.  We’ll just frame it with the receipt.”

“Are you insane?”

“No.  This is history!  This is the first day a major retailer has started drone delivery.  And we were part of it and we’ll be able to prove it!  I just don’t understand where the drone is.  I was tracking it on-line and it said it would be here in 2 minutes when I called you.  What time is it?”

“1:42.”

“It’s late.  It should have been here a minute ago.”

“Maybe it got stuck in traffic.”

“Jeri!  You just aren’t taking this seriously.  I mean it.  Think of how much less traffic there will be.  How much fuel will be saved!  This is amazing.”

“I don’t know. Aren’t you worried about the monopolies?  Doesn’t it seem like we’re recreating the Gilded Age?”

“Look!  I think that’s it.”

Sure enough, something was coming down from the sky in the middle of the street.  It didn’t really look like a Jeri’s idea of a drone, more like a miniature helicopter crane with a small globe hanging from it.  It approached the house and hovered over the front porch.  As it hovered, Tyler’s phone chimed his text message alert.  He showed her the message.  “The AmazonDrone is at your address.  DO NOT STAND UNDER THE DRONE. Reply Y to accept delivery, N to refuse it.”  He sent the reply and the drone lowered the globe.  From this distance, they could see the globe was cardboard and actually flat on the bottom.  The drone dropped until the globe was sitting on the porch and then another 3 inches, which loosened the cords. The drone backed away to the middle of the street and then disappeared skyward.  Tyler’s phone chimed again with a message “You may now retrieve your package.  Thank you for using AmazonDrone.”

 Tyler jerked open the front door and gently retrieved the globe.  “I hate to open it.  I don’t want to ruin the packaging.”

“No way.” Jeri retorted.  “How do we know it’s even the right thing if we don’t open it?”  She grabbed the pull tab and pulled.  The globe split open but instead of the Blu-Ray they expected, there was nothing but a roll of parchment inside.

 Jeri clapped both hands over her mouth, almost smothering a laugh.  Tyler stared, his mouth falling open and his eyes wide.  Slowly, he took the parchment, set down the globe, and unrolled the parchment.  A piece of paper fluttered to the floor, but he ignored it.

 Jeri came to look over his shoulder and they read:

 

_Greetings, citizen,_

_Your order from AmazonDrone has been intercepted by Acquisitions Ubiquitous.  We are NOT pirates; we are privateers like Sir Francis Drake and Jean Lafitte.  We have been commissioned by a consortium of small business owners._

_Since you did not in fact receive your order from AmazonDrone, you are entitled to get your money back.  Please take that money and purchase your item from a local shop.  For your convenience, we have enclosed a list of local merchants who carry your item._

_While you’re at it, why don’t you check on what your city council, state legislators and federal legislators are doing?  The rise of monopolies that put our jobs and communities at risk can only happen with our consent.  As our state constitution says, “All political power is inherent in the people, and governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, and are established to protect and maintain individual rights.”  But if we don’t exercise our power, others will._

_We hope that you have not been overly inconvenienced by this diversion.  We never intercept medical supplies, food, or diapers._

_Your obedient servants,_

              _Acquisitions Ubiquitous_

_Difference Engines_

_Dirigibles_

_Security_

 

Tyler turned and stared at Jeri. His mouth opened and shut a few times, but nothing came out.  Jeri leaned in and kissed him.  “So,” she whispered in his ear, “think they’re recruiting?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Serenity Faith Blackwell and Persnickety Jones for coming up with the best steampunk backstory.
> 
> This is Curiosity "Rover" Smith. Leave kudos if you would like to hear more about our adventures.


End file.
